Spring Fling is next week, and some of you may be tempted to run across campus, naked as can be, shouting about the complete stranger you just made out with after drinking so much it made New Year’s look like a slumber party in Blair Hall. If this is your pleasure, so be it. You can buy ten dozen helium balloons, tie them to your roommate and watch your stress float off to the clouds. But keep in mind, some temptation-driven activities can leave you stuck taking group showers and sharing a concrete box with your new, seven-foot, three hundred-pound, hairy cellmate named Fluffy who’s looking for some good lovin’.
The first thing you have to remember is that lighting couches on fire is illegal. That’s ILLEGAL, as in, not allowed. The police have made their warning. If you light a couch on fire, you’re going to jail. So for all of you who need to feed your primal, pyromaniac urges, we suggest turning your lights on and off repeatedly to obtain the necessary flicker effect. Try to be considerate of the local fire department who will be harder than usual so we can enjoy the weekend. Every time they’re called to put out a couch that was carelessly lit on fire they run the risk of missing another fire somewhere else.
Some of you may also be tempted to rebel against the police presence during Spring Fling. Don’t. Their presence is for safety, and not to arrest you for having a good time. The boys and girls in blue will only react to problems, not cause them—so don’t let them ruin your fun. You’ve worked all year to let loose for two nights, so don’t ruin it by pointing a realistic-looking squirt gun at them.
Most important, however, is to remember that drinking and drugs are bad, m’kay? We’re not preaching about not drinking or doing drugs. We’re not that hypocritical. But we also know that substance abuse is harmful and any kind of drinking should be done with some thought involved. It’s okay to drink, just be smart about it.
Finally, there is one tradition on this campus that has long been forgotten and deserves resurrection. The innertube regatta was once a Spring Fling staple at PSC in the days of big hair and tight-rolled-pants, but has since been dissolved for not being worthy of mention. This year we could resurrect a long lasting tradition that once earned Plymouth the name ‘Tube Town USA.’ So grab an innertube and head down the river on Spring Fling for a friendly coast downstream.