Reflections of a Fifth-Year Senior

I am old.”Gee whiz, how old are you?” I imagine a throng of wide-eyed 19-year olds asking me in amazement.I spit out some chaw, look up at the sky and say, “Well come up here and sit on my knee… no, not you kid, the cute chick standing next to you… and I’ll spin you a yarn of years gone by.” When I was a freshman……the library was in the first floor of Hall Hall….”Residence Halls” were still called dorms….Hall Hall was all-male, Mary Lyon was all-female….there was a Taco Bell stand in the Snack Bar….the dorms had no high speed internet access….the dorms didn’t have cable; we used rabbit ears to get two and a half channels. And didn’t get them well….the computer clusters didn’t have computers! There were all filled with terminals: Black screen, orange text, no graphics, no flop-py drive, no hard drive….the two kiosks in front of center lodge, which are currently being used for displaying art, were filled with mailboxes….the official name of Hall Hall was “Samuel Reed Residence Hall”, not “Samuel Read Residence Hall”. And yes, they changed the sign….the foreign language department was in Boyd….there were active organizations called RHA and COCO….there was a street that ran between Hall Hall and Citizen’s Bank. That’s why we have a long line of trees in the middle of the lawn; They used to line the road….The Clock had no color pages….South Park was in its first season, but no one watched it. Why? No Cable….there was no sanctioned Spring Fling, and in fact, President Wharton wrote a letter to local landlords suggesting they discourage parties….so, instead of a Spring Fling, we burned couches, threw beer bottles, were hit in the head by heavily armoured police officers and had a good ol’ fashioned riot (that was covered by the national media)….the Campus Police were called Campus Security….I think the chief of Campus Security was Chief Byrd, it certainly wasn’t John Clark….the walkways? Not brick. Mostly asphalt and concrete….ITS was called the Computer Science Department….things were so messed up, that we actually had classes in the basement of Mary Lyon. Hmmmm….wait a minute……the Multicultural Society was called the Black Student Union….four words: Loon Mountain, Five Bucks….PHOP offered two large cheese pizzas for $7.00 with free delivery….nobody had ever heard of Monica Lewinsky….the dorms were not locked during the day….the World Language Society was called the Foreign Language Society….in the dorms during the weekend, there was a “Check-In Desk” and you had to show your ID and sign in any guests that were visiting. Your guests don’t have an ID? Too bad. They don’t get in….we had a literary magazine called, The Continuum….Chase Street Market was called Volpe’s….there was no WebReg. You blocked off four hours of your day, stood in line, and waited to be told in person that you suck and can’t take that class. It’s much more satisfying to yell at a person instead of a computer screen….Public Relations was News Services…Human Resources was Personnel…the Greeks ran this school. I mean really, you couldn’t swing a dead cat over your head without hitting a proud, Greek student leader. Now? Do we have any recognized fraternities left?…student IDs only had black and white photos….you could be a Theatre major. No extra specialization BS. Just Theatre….you could be a Music Major. No extra specialization BS. Just Music….we had Deans, not Vice-Presidents. How many Vice Presidents do we have now? Ten? Twenty?…if you wanted books from the library, you logged on to LOLA and sent a request for them. Then, a student worker would go across the street and have the books waiting for you in Hall….there was not an organization called Safe Walk. Hell, it took a number of assaults on female students for that to happen.The hypothetical throng of youngins stares transfixed, wondering how my brittle bones can still support my ancient body.Yes. I am that old.