Caring for Our Parents: Tables Turn

Since we were born, our parents have been a constant in our lives. They cared for us in sickness, and in health. They rocked us to sleep and read us bedtime stories. They forced us to take our medicine when we thought it tasted yucky, and then tucked us into bed and called the school to tell them we were sick. They drove us to our practices, and watched our games, plays, and rehearsals. And now, as we struggle to break free, they are still there, waiting to help if we need them.

But what if they need help? Are we ready to accept our adulthood, and be there to nurse them back to health? Recently, my mother underwent surgery where two major arteries were blocked to stop the blood flow to her uterus. She has a uterine fibroid and stopping the blood from getting to it is one way they can shrink it, so it can be removed later. She was hospitalized for two days, and when she came home, I was there to help. My father thinks he can handle anything, and wanted to take care of her, but I could tell he was exhausted; trying to remember which pill she had to take when, helping her in and out of bed, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry.

So, not only did I do all the laundry and help make sure my father wasn’t bored when she was napping, but I also had to write down what time she was taking which pill, and remember when she should take her next pill. This was harder than it sounds because she is pretty stubborn. When it was time to take that next pill, she thought she was fine and tried to gradually decrease the dosage. We had to force her to take the medicine because we knew if she didn’t she would be in a lot more pain in two hours. One of the more difficult things I had to do was help her in and out of bed. This meant actually lifting her into a sitting position, putting her socks and slippers on for her, and then holding her weight as she tried to stand on her own.

It was weird for me to think that the person who has cared for me for twenty some years, now needed my help. I am so used to her bringing me medicine when I am sick, that I didn’t think I would ever be the one bringing her the medicine. Most of us think we won’t have to start caring for our parents until they are old and can’t do anything on their own anymore. I am suggesting our parents need our help, and our support, just as much now, as we still need theirs (even if we are not ready to admit it).

Are you going to be prepared if your parents do need you? Take a quiz at http://www.agingsolutions.com/prntquiz.htm to find out. I was not at all prepared, but it does not surprise me. Both of my parents are still very young, not quite 40, and can take care of most everything themselves. I was lucky my mother healed well and rapidly. You will probably find yourself not entirely prepared either; however, by taking this quiz, you will be shown things you can do to become prepared. For example, if you don’t already know their blood type, or whether or not they want to be an organ donor, you should find out.

I didn’t have too much pressure to take care of my mother because my father was right there by her side. Many of you may find you won’t need to take care of your parents until they are very old. For those of you who may need some help, though, http://www.icareindia.com/parent/CareTips.htm offers some tips for taking care of a loved one. They include: 1) When people offer to help, accept the offer and suggest specific things that they can do, 2) Educate yourself about your loved one’s condition; Information is empowering, 3) Keep a positive mental outlook, and 4) Seek support from other caregivers. There is great strength in knowing you are not alone.

Things worked out well for my mother, but being put in this situation really made me think. What if my father wasn’t there to be with her? I probably would’ve had to leave school for at least a week or two to take care of her. Or what if it was a more serious surgery or illness? Then how would I handle it? This is something all of us should be aware of. Someday, if not already, we will have to switch roles with our parents.