CD Review: The Collisions, Talk is the New Action

Coming up with band names these days is a lot like a short version of the ever-popular Mad Libs: Take a plural noun, any plural noun you can think of, and affix “The” to the beginning of it. There you have it, an instant, punchy band name. The only rule is that any band that uses the name formula must also play formulaic garage rock that sounds like it was recorded in the bassist’s dad’s basement.The Collisions aren’t entirely exempt from this unwritten law, but as tempting as it is to hate them for cashing in on the success of others, there’s just nothing excessively offensive about them. The Boston trio’s debut, last year’s Talk is the New Action, swaggers and stomps through eleven tracks of non-threatening, predictable, yet entertaining guitar rock.Unfortunately, the band rarely picks up the snail’s pace of songs like the opening “The American Dream,” and even when the tempo does speed up, as in “Live by Fire, Die by Fire,” The Collisions sound sluggish. “Trying to Be Nice” is actually somewhat tiring to wade through, as it drones on for way too long – and in this case, four minutes is indeed way too long. Even worse is the closing “Your Gun,” which repeats the same irritating violin line with too-minimalist drums and bass for nearly six minutes, despite a promising first half in which singer Bo Barringer sounds like a ringleader at a circus.Halfway into the album, “Amateur” finally showcases The Collisions at their best. Barringer (formerly of Caged Heat and Make Lisa Rich) shouts maniacally over a bizarre march while bassist Dave “Dave of the Universe” Tatelbaum and drummer Johnny “Johnny Finger” Mooradian yell “Hey!” every so often.The band then covers Robert Johnson’s “Me and the Devil Blues.” Their take on the 1930s blues legend takes on a life of its own, and becomes a Collisions song through and through. In this case at least, it’s a positive thing. “Right Man On Your Side” is another relative triumph. The sinister bassline and vocal melody contrast nicely with the lyrics in the chorus (“You’ve got the right man on your side tonight/you’ve got the…” Well, you get the idea) to make Barringer sound like a scumbag about to slip something into your drink when you’re not looking.Unfortunately, when The Collisions get political, they just get dumb. The lyrics to “The American Dream” are a satire of the average American, which repeats the line “a big f–king hard drive” ad nauseam, and “Die For Your Country,” another intended satire, veers off course lyrically so many times that it’s hard to remember exactly what they’re speaking out against.Despite the album’s shortcomings, there’s just not enough wrong with it to classify it as bad or boring. It’s decent background noise, and if your favorite bands all have “The” at the beginning of their names and license their music to Apple for iPod commercials, you’ll probably enjoy this album quite a bit.