Turtle Scrubbers, Tampon Squeezers, and Other Bad Jobs

By this point in our lives, many of us have probably had a bad job or two. Some may have even had a terrible job. Whenever I think back to the time when I was paid to clean turtle tanks on Friday mornings, I can’t help but gag at the mere thought. Some jobs, like skyscraper window washers and bridge painters are known as “high risk” jobs, and the pay is much higher to compensate for the risk. Jobs like plumbing and trash removal are also higher paying because no one wants to do them. Popular Science magazine however, decided to compile a list of the worst jobs one could have in the science field. For science majors, someday, this may be you. Hopefully not. Maybe after this, everyone will feel a little better about your paycheck earned from hell. First off is the anal-wart researcher. Naomi Jay of the University of California at San Francisco is one of the first to research sexually transmitted diseases that affect the anus. They also study anal cancer. The human papillomavirus (HPV), which can cause cervical cancer in women is the most common cause of anal cancer in both men and women. Jay says the only way to tell if you have cancer of the backside is to have a doctor like her analyze it, as it is difficult to spot warning signs on your own. A job that stinks this much obviously requires a great sense of humor, and Jay told Popular Science Magazine “In thirteen years, I’ve only been pooped on twice, and that’s not bad.” One can only hope she’s kidding. Often, men joke about being gynecologists because they can look at female anatomy all the time, but imagine being a vaginal infection researcher. Samples are taken through urination samples, or directly from the wall of the vagina, as well as squeezing tampons. Yes, squeezing tampons. Researchers at Royal Women’s Hospital in Victoria say that when studying large populations of sexually transmitted diseases among women, testing tampons is easiest because women are more likely to cooperate if the testing is “manual,” and not done by a doctor. Because tampons are designed to hold liquid, they often must be manually squeezed. Another job that really stinks is being a landfill monitor. Imagine doing soil tests to watch for possible toxic leaks during one-hundred degree weather. This job is a necessary one, as there aren’t very good ways to monitor soil content by computer. If you live within a few miles of a dump or landfill, be happy that these workers exist, because without them, many of us could be very sick. There is even a website dedicated to bad jobs. The Official Site of the Search for the Worst Job in America (www.worstjob.com) calls those who work bad jobs to put food on the table “heroes,” and people with “crummy jobs can commiserate with one another.” Readers have the chance to submit reasons they feel they have the worst job in America, and web-site viewers can vote on submissions. According to the site, the worst job of 2003 in America is a police department custodian. One man, who cleans squad cars and jail cells in a major Midwest town says that on weekends, parties are sometimes busted and sometimes as many as fifteen people throw up in the back of a paddy wagon or the cells. He says that he has cleaned cells where convicts have “finger painted” with blood and excrements. Another worker complains of being a funeral director and embalmer. It’s pretty easy to imagine how depressing it must be to work with dead people every day. This particular worker claims he has to clean the morgue with a toothbrush if there are no funerals that day. Outside of America, in 2003 the worst job, according to Canada, is a sewer pipe cleaner. Imagine some of the nasty things you have washed down your drain, and times that by thousands. The web-site, which has been taking polls of bad jobs since 1999, gets many repeat jobs, such as port-a-potty cleaners, road kill collectors, wastewater treatment cleaners, animal shelter workers, and even “nursing home butt wipers.” Certainly, a look around this site will make you feel better about your past summer jobs. Others included in the list are incinerator operators who burn hospital chemicals and body parts, butchers, who after spending the entire day covered in blood, clean the area with gallons of bleach, a computer programmer who sits in a small cubicle with no windows “writing pointless programs that are never used,” ski lift operators, dental hygienists, and exotic dancers, who deal with degrading men expecting sex after shows. If anything, this article should be a great inspiration to finish college and go to grad school, as many of these jobs are low-paying. This brings to mind the semester I cleaned turtle tanks on Friday mornings. Not only was the tank down a flight of stairs from the only sink that was big enough to fit the bucket in, the smell of turtle turds is enough to make anyone nauseous for hours after the deed is done. Attempting to try this hung over without dry heaving for hours has given me the confidence that I really can do anything. If you think your job tops these, check out the site, and submit your sad story. If you never imagined jobs so horrid could exist, count yourself lucky. Hopefully, it will be a little easier to wake up for class this coming Monday. http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/article/0,20967,713459,00.html