In a special part I like to call “things that make you go ewww,” Desprate Housewife star and former Radio Shack psycho Teri Hatcher was spotted making out with super-groomed Ryan Seacrest at a Malibu Beach.I haven’t seen a kiss that awkward since Michael Jackson was sticking his tongue down Lisa Marie Presley’s throat at the MTV Awards. As if Hatcher shouldn’t feel embarrassed enough, she accessorized her little game of tonsil hockey with an American Idol baseball hat. Wow, this must be serious! But isn’t it a little bit humiliating when your boyfriend spends more time in the bathroom getting ready for public appearances than you do? I always pictured Seacrest with someone more his age, possibly with blond hair, a thin waist…. And MALE!
Just when you thought it was safe to let children watch TV again, Lindsay Lohan goes and ruins it for everyone. At the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards, Lohan showed her “assets” to a group of preteens as she walked on stage.Because you know, it’s totally appropriate to NOT wear any underwear when you’re a guest at a show watched by millions of kids. It’s bad enough children are forced to see her remakes of classic Disney movies. Maybe next time she’s planning on having a wardrobe malfunction she could slap on some self-tanner, her pale behind may be responsible for the blinding of millions of small children.
And in the world of insane, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have begun preparing for the birth of their demon spawn (Oops.. I meant bouncing beautiful baby) that is due any day now.However, according to the regulations of Scientology births, it sounds like the only one that needs preparing is Holmes. Not only is she supposed to have a drug-free birth, the cult has also put forth the guidelines for a “silent birth,” which means there can be no music, talking or screaming during labor. Think that’s bad? It gets worse, much worse, the guidelines also state that the newborn child cannot be spoken to or given any medical tests for the first week of its life. This is supposedly because “babies go through so much pain during the birth, they shouldn’t have to experience any further discomfort or sensory experience that could return later in life to haunt them.”Can you imagine this kid’s future therapy sessions? Telling a psychiatrist that the reason they can’t have any stable relationships is because they had no human contact when they were “reborn” (and also because it’s the offspring of a couch-jumping loony)? Well it’s just another matter of time before we meet the little alien – Joey Potter is scheduled to pop out any day now!