To the victim the sexual assault on September 28th, 2012
I don’t know you. I don’t know your name, or your face. I have no idea who you are. But every cell in my body, every fiber of my being, every piece of my soul, aches for you. I am so sorry this happened to you. I cannot even begin to fathom the pain you are in, and I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this. I can only desperately hope that you have a support system that will love you, and take care of you through this terrible time. I applaud your bravery in reporting your attackers immediately. I hope that you are okay. And if you are not okay- I hope that it will not last long. As I said, I do not know you. But you are not alone in this. I do not know you, but I wish I did, so I could help you in some way. But I hope you can take comfort in the fact that there is someone here, on this campus, who is rooting for you, pulling for you, and will try and support you in any way.
But to the rest of Plymouth State:
Shame on you. Shame on all of you. From the moment I saw that text all I have heard was nothing but victim blaming drivel. I am disgusted by the way I have seen people act, it makes me physically ill. You should all be ashamed. How dare you say that it was her fault. How dare you even think that she brought this on herself. It does not matter if she was drunk, or sober, or dressed in a revealing manner, or wrapped up in a snowsuit. We need to change the discussion RIGHT NOW. Because when a woman is raped, the first thing people seem to think is that by doing something incorrectly, she brought on her attack. A woman did not decide to be raped- A MAN RAPED HER. And in this is the problem with discourse about sexual assault. Instead of telling women not to wear short skirts, or get drunk, or walk alone, we should be telling men not to rape. I don’t want to feel like I have to lock my door and draw my curtains tight against the world. I am friendly, and happy, and I want to feel like I can go out on my own campus and make new friends and not have to watch my back. I don’t like what I’ve seen- I don’t like it one bit. I don’t like seeing people laugh at the safety notices. I don’t like hearing rape jokes. But I can’t just sit here and berate you all and expect you all to see the light.
So I’d like to give you a little vocabulary lesson.
Victim Blaming: “Occurs when the victim(s) of a crime, an accident, or any type of abusive maltreatment are held entirely or partially responsible for the transgressions committed against them (regardless of whether the victim actually had any responsibility for the incident).”
Rape Culture: “describing a culture in which rape and other sexual violence (usually against women) are common and in which prevalent attitudes, norms, practices, and media condone, normalize, excuse, or encourage sexualized violence. “
Here is the vocabulary you need. There are words to describe what is happening here. And it happens far too often for my taste. We live in a culture where a statistic of one in three women- one in three!- will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. And we live in a culture where no one is shocked, surprised or disgusted by that statistic. It has become appallingly, shockingly normal.
And to everyone who thinks they can dismiss this tragedy because “well it didn’t happen to me”- you are wrong. This is our community. If you think for one second this does not directly affect you, you are terribly mistaken. If you don’t have a problem with men abducting and raping women on your own home turf, there is something seriously wrong with you. And if you feel nothing for this woman because you do not know her- you need to look deep inside yourself. Because she could be anyone. She could be your best friend, your sorority sister. She could be that girl you sit next to in class that always lends you a pencil. She could be your next door neighbor.
She could be me.
She could be you.