To the Editor,
I was disturbed by the underlying message of “Get over it already!” that I received while reading “Stop the Man-Hating!” by Andrew Coutermarsh inThe Clock (4/19/02). As a person who interacts regularly with survivors of domestic and sexual violence, I see that there are a number of ways to respond to and recover from trauma. Many survivors blame themselves, feeling as if they did something to deserve or bring on the attack. It is an important part of the recovery process to recognize that the only person responsible for the crime is the assailant. I believe that the anger expressed in some of the Clothesline Project T-shirts was directed toward assailants (most of whom are men), not toward all men (most of whom are not perpetrators).
In speaking of the “uplifting” T-shirts, Mr. Coutermarsh commented, “Some of these women had really made steps on the road to recovery.” Recovery does not conform to a set pattern or schedule. Survivors may blame themselves, choose to forgive their assailant, or scream with justifiable rage. For some, being angry is a necessary phase that may be worked through in a few days or a few years. Ellen Bass and Laura Davis write in The Courage to Heal, “Anger is a powerful and liberating force. Whether you need to get in touch with it or have always had plenty to spare, directing your rage squarely at your abuse, and at those who didn’t protect you, is pivotal to healing.” It can take a long time to move from feeling guilty to get to a place where one is able to appropriately place the blame with the person responsible for the assault. It is important for us to allow survivors to recover in their own way at their own pace. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, know that wherever you’re at in your process, there is support for you. Please access this support by contacting Women’s Services and Gender Resources at 535-2387 or Voices Against Violence at 536-1659.