It’s that time of year again, when the weather gets colder, haunted houses pop up, and there’s pumpkin flavored, everything. To most people this means autumn has arrived, but around here it’s more fondly referred to as the end of the summer movie season. As Hollywood transitions from tent pole superhero explosion-fests and over to more Academy Award friendly fare, we’re left to pick up the pieces from the films released between early May and late August, and decide which are worth your time and which aren’t. All of these movies are either available on DVD/Blu-Ray now or in the coming months, so without further ado here are select summer movies ranked from best to worst, using a back-to-school friendly, A-F rubric.
Pacific Rim
Easily the most original and exciting summer blockbuster of 2013. Some people criticized Pacific Rim for being too goofy or outlandish. Those people are foolish and clearly hate fun. Seriously though, if you missed out on the sheer insanity of a giant robot using a freight boat to beat a giant monster, it’s your own fault.
A-
Star Trek Into Darkness
While it may have enraged trekkies enough for them to vote it the “worst Star Trek film”, Star Trek Into Darkness was still a fantastic piece of Sci-Fi entertainment. Even though it may a bit too slavishly devoted to a certain Trek film that came before, there’s plenty of fun and spectacle to be had, Trekkies who’ve clearly never seen “Star Trek Nemesis” be damned.
B+
Elysium
While director Neil Blomkamp’s first film, District 9, had a little more impact on the social commentary front, Elysium is still an intense, violent thriller with more to say than just “cool, explosions”. It also goes without saying that the film features the craziest face-explosion since “Scanners”.
B+
The Wolverine
Yes, it would’ve been great to see what Darren Aronofsky could’ve done with this material, but James Mangold’s vision for everyone’s favorite Canadian superhero wasn’t the mess most thought it would be. In fact, it worked pretty great as a tight, quiet, character piece (Something the superhero genre is in desperate need of). That is it was pretty great until the loud, obnoxious ending, which we will just ignore here.
B
Man of Steel
Man of Steel loses points not for having enough violence and destruction for a Superman movie, or any other spoiler filled reasons that caused most fan boys to lunge at it. The biggest problem with Man of Steel is that the trailers did too good of a job selling us on what would be the worlds greatest Superman movie. Instead the film swung too hard at being a gritty origin story whose script couldn’t elevate itself to the films it was emulating, and it suffered because of it. However the infamous final battle in Metropolis is exciting if a bit overbearing, and Michael Shannon is expectantly great as General Zod.
B-
Iron Man 3
The most divisive movie the summer, and that’s saying a lot in a year that brought us British actors playing Khan and a Superman that snaps necks. You either loved or hated the direction Shane Black took The Mandarin in, and judging from the fact that this reviewer gave the movie a C-, it’s safe to say I wasn’t a huge fan of it. Going back however, I may have been too harsh on it. The C- is still justified, however for reasons other than The Mandarin. There is simply too much humor in Iron Man 3. Levity goes a long way in keeping a film from being too heavy (even Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy had some light moments thrown in). However Iron Man 3 is so over cooked with humor that it almost becomes a parody of itself. This would be okay if it was a consistent tone, but to follow up a tense mid-air airplane crash rescue scene with a sight gag just doesn’t work unless your film is staring Leslie Neilsen.
C-
The Lone Ranger
Oh boy. So much negativity has been thrown at this mess of a film that maybe it’s time to say something positive. If you only watch the first thirty minutes of The Lone Ranger and then skip to the last twenty, it would probably be a competent short film Western. Otherwise it’s too big, too misguided, and too kind-of racist to be considered a good movie.
D-