Excuse me... Where have all the manners gone?

"Please." "Thank you." "Excuse me." "May I?" "Have a nice day." Well, I'll be damned if my parents (and, I'm willing to bet, your parents) weren't right all those years ago. These words really are magical. 

Where, exactly, does the magic lie behind these words and other small acts of kindness and courtesy? In their power to let other people know that you're thinking about them, about someone other than yourself, even for a brief moment of your day. Manners are powerful. They've withstood the trends and changes in vernacular of many ages. They are universal, easily translated, and well-received in every culture.

It seems, though, that as our days become busier, our schedules heavier, and every part of our lives more privatized, we tend to forgo our please's and our thank you's in exchange for an angry bout on the car horn or a shrug and a downward glance. It seems as if we do business with rude and grumpy convenient store clerks these days just as often as we do with the friendly and polite ones. And when was the last time someone held the door for you, or better yet, you for someone else?

Where have all the manners gone? Are they being slowly and torturously killed by the evils of indifference and disrespect for our fellow citizens? Have they been outlawed altogether? Or, perhaps, are we all in need of the simple reminder to use the magic words?

Dr. Robert Swift, a music professor here at Plymouth State University, conducted a small survey in January of this year to get a better sense of the role that manners play in today's society. The survey was sent to 37 individuals, many who represented or were members of the PSU community, and asked participants to "indicate on a Likert scale [1-10] where you would place the importance of manners for an individual's success and well being today." Also on the survey was a small space for optional input on the topic of manners and their placement in respect to people's values today. "I wanted to give everyone a chance to express their own views on the matter," said Swift.

Of the 37 surveys mailed out, an impressive 28 (78%) of them were returned. Swift was very pleasantly surprised with the results, with 25 of the 28 respondents deeming manners to be valued at 8 or higher on the scale. While the participants remained anonymous, Swift shared some of the personal responses that accompanied the ratings. Among the many responses, here's what some had to say about manners:

"Manners are observed and evaluated by all. Those observations are seldom shared but always used to form an impression of the observed."

"A polite dullard is often more successful, by worldly standards, than an impolite genius."

"'Please' and ‘thank you' and all common courtesies are never outdated or old-fashioned."

"Manners reflect fundamental respect for others."

"Manners are the glue of civilization. Without them we are savages. They provide the oil of social relationships."

Swift shared his personal thoughts on manners, claiming that "they don't hurt anyone or anything, and can make a world of difference." And he, just like Mom and Dad, is absolutely right. There is hardly a thing more powerful or more uplifting than a simple "thank you," a small and selfless act of kindness, or a genuine smile. And in an age where our personal relationships are becoming more exclusive, and our face-to-face communication so sparse, there is nothing that quite restores faith in the hearts of humankind like a kind and polite stranger. "'The little things'…" said Swift, "There are no ‘little things.'"