An Oscar Guide: Who Will Win at the 2013 Academy Awards?

Despite the fact Oscar season is stupid on many levels and not worth anyone's time, it is a nice opportunity to gamble on who will win and make some decent cash. So, for fun and to help all of the people attempting to gamble, here are my picks in each of the categories I actually know about (sorry, don't know much about Best Makeup and Hairstyling) of who should win and who inevitably will win despite my opinion.

BEST PICTURE

"Zero Dark Thirty"

"Django Unchained"

"Argo"

"Les Miserables"

"Amour"

"Life of Pi"

"Beasts of the Southern Wild"

"Silver Linings Playbook"

"Lincoln"

WHO SHOULD WIN: You know, I don't think any of these movies should win. There, I said it. My favorite movie of the year was Moonrise Kingdom, which is slotted down in the best original screenplay category. My second favorite film of the year, The Master, isn't here either. That being said I have yet to see Zero Dark Thirty or Silver Linings, and I here both are incredible and are right up my alley. Of what I've seen though, I'd give the should win to Django simply because of the performances in it.  

WHO WILL WIN: Argo, which has come out of nowhere to become frontrunner. I don't think there's an award this hasn't won leading up to Oscar night.  

BEST ACTOR

Daniel Day-Lewis, "Lincoln"

Denzel Washington, "Flight"

Hugh Jackman, "Les Miserables"

Bradley Cooper, "Silver Linings Playbook"

Joaquin Phoenix, "The Master"

WHO SHOULD WIN: I loved Joaquin Phoenix in The Master. He was incredible and gave my favorite performance of the year.

WHO WILL WIN: That being said Daniel Day-Lewis is the reincarnation of Abraham Lincoln. Sorry Joaquin. Better luck next year.

BEST ACTRESS

Emmanuelle Riva, "Amour"

Jessica Chastain, "Zero Dark Thirty"

Naomi Watts, "The Impossible"

Quvenzhane Wallis, "Beasts of the Southern Wild"

Jennifer Lawrence, "Silver Linings Playbook"

WHO SHOULD WIN: No idea. I somehow have not seen any of these movies. I'll blame it on being a college kid with a limited budget, and unfortunately gas and movies cost a lot. That being said I think Quvenzhane Wallis should win though since she's nine and I think that'd be awesome. Best I got for you here.

WHO WILL WIN: This one's a tight race, but I'd give it to Jennifer Lawrence. She's won the most awards of the five and is the hottest new actress in a while. Plus, it doesn't hurt that her performance is supposed to be incredible.

BEST DIRECTOR

Steven Spielberg, "Lincoln"

Michael Haneke, "Amour"

David O. Russell, "Silver Linings Playbook"

Ang Lee, "Life of Pi"

Benh Zeitlin, "Beasts of the Southern Wild"

WHO SHOULD WIN: Wow. I did terrible seeing movies this year. Haven't seen any of these. That being said if Benh Zeitlin wins for his first feature film that'd be cool. Plus he spells Ben with an 'h' on the end. I don't get it but I like it.

WHO WILL WIN: Goddamn Spielberg, who hasn't directed a movie that required some of the visionary filmmaking he was known for in the beginning of his career for the last few decades. Just saying. Me and Spielberg got issues.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Alan Arkin, "Argo"

Robert De Niro, "Silver Linings Playbook"

Philip Seymour Hoffman, "The Master"

Tommy Lee Jones, "Lincoln"

Christoph Waltz, "Django Unchained"

WHO SHOULD WIN: I want to say De Niro since he's done nothing but be terrible for the last decade and it's nice that he, you know, stopped being terrible, but Phillip Seymour Hoffman in The Master is too damn impressive.

WHO WILL WIN: Tommy Lee Jones in Lincoln. I don't know why, since his performance sounds pretty boring based on everything I've read about it. The whole movie does really. But all signs point to him winning.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Amy Adams, "The Master"

Sally Field, "Lincoln"

Anne Hathaway, "Les Miserables"

Helen Hunt, "The Sessions"

Jacki Weaver, "Silver Linings Playbook"

WHO SHOULD WIN: Amy Adams in The Master. I don't know if you can tell, but I really liked The Master.

WHO WILL WIN: Anne Hathaway from Les Miserables, who will always better be known as Catwoman in like a year because everyone will forget the movie she won an Oscar for ever existed at all. Sorry, Les Miseralbes looks terrible and I refuse to see it.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

Chris Terrio, "Argo"

Lucy Alibar and Benh Zeitlin, "Beasts of the Southern Wild"

David Magee, "Life of Pi"

Tony Kushner, "Lincoln"

David O. Russell, "Silver Linings Playbook"

WHO SHOULD WIN: I liked Argo but its screenplay was on the weak side. The famous "Argo f*** yourself" line was said about eight times too many. I want this to go to O. Russell more than anything.

WHO WILL WIN: Kushner for Lincoln. Cause the Academy likes them some historical stuff directed by one of the most legendary directors of our time.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

Michael Haneke, "Amour"

Quentin Tarantino, "Django Unchained"

John Gatins, "Flight"

Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola, "Moonrise Kingdom"

Mark Boal, "Zero Dark Thirty"

WHO SHOULD WIN: Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola. With Moonrise Kingdom they created one of the sweetest, most endearing films I've seen in a long time. That being said Django has a pretty damn amazing screenplay, but in the end it feels like nothing new from Tarantino. Not a bad thing on his part, but why reward the man for doing the same thing?

WHO WILL WIN: Boal for Zero Dark Thirty. To be honest, he deserves it. To take the manhunt of Bin Laden and turn it into a film that is apparently rather impressive is an extraordinary feat.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

"Amour" Austria

"Kon-Tiki" Norway 

"No" Chile

"A Royal Affair" Denmark

"War Witch" Canada

WHO SHOULD WIN: No. I mean, it was shot on VHS. And college kids like us complain about how hard it is to make a movie. This movie was shot on VHS and is nominated for an Academy Award. Granted it has a famous international film star in it.... But still. Stop complaining kids.

WHO WILL WIN: Amour. Haneke apparently made one of the most devastating movies in a long while and the film is poised to take this category because of it.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

"Brave"

"Frankenweenie"

"ParaNorman"

"The Pirates! Band of Misfits"

"Wreck-It Ralph"

WHO SHOULD WIN: I mean, I saw ParaNorman. It was kind of cool. So that I guess?

WHO WILL WIN: Brave. This one's a really close category though. Brave just has the last minute momentum that might push it ahead of the rest.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

"Before My Time" from "Chasing Ice"

"Everybody Needs A Best Friend" from "Ted"

"Pi's Lullaby" from Life of Pi

"Skyfall" from Skyfall

"Suddenly" from Les Miserables

WHO SHOULD WIN: Adele.

WHO WILL WIN: Adele.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

"Anna Karenina"

"Django Unchained"

"Life of Pi"

"Lincoln"

"Skyfall"

WHO SHOULD WIN: Skyfall's Roger Deakins. He's so overdue it's stupid.

WHO WILL WIN: Either Claudio Miranda for Life Of Pi or Deakins for Skyfall. This is a guessing game though. It's close. I'd say Deakins since the Academy doesn't want to not honor him again. That'd be dumb of them.

So there they are, all of my picks and then the slightly more realistic ones. Go out there and place your bets folks. Feel free to send me some of your winnings if you use this helpful guide I have created. I know none of you will, but it's worth a shot. The Oscars are Sunday, February 23^rd at 8:30 EST.