Keepin' Time: Wondering About The Wonder Years

Aaaaand we're back. Welcome to the triumphant return of your favorite (and the only) music column in The Clock. I've been away for a little bit, and I'm sure you've all been desperately wondering where I've been. I know it must have been hard to go through an entire semester trying to wear a smile on your face while worrying yourself to death on the inside about my whereabouts. "Where did that music guy go? Is he dead? Is he in Alaska?"

Yes, I was in Alaska. I came back with a girl and a more rounded definition of the word "cold." We need to stop complaining here in New England. It gets really cold there.

On our way back from Anchorage to start our new life together, my fiancée Emily and I decided to spice up our first mission as a couple by totaling her car in fantastic fashion 14 hours north of Vancouver, up in the Canadian Rocky Mountains in very Northern British Columbia.

As the dust settled and we waited for the wrecker to arrive, I reached back into the wreckage and flipped on the iPod to see what the soundtrack to our (almost) demise had been. Philadelphia pop punk band the Wonder Years, as it turns out, was almost the last thing these ears ever heard. And that wouldn't have been so bad, I love that band. What is strange is the history I have with bad things happening to me when they put out albums.

I got my first Wonder Years CD in the fall of 2009, shortly before the death of a close friend. Months later, upon the release of their second album, I experienced my first real, gnarly breakup. Then this car accident occurred barely a week after the release of their 3rd album..  Weird, right? I love this band. I'm wearing one of their t-shirts right now. I listen to them almost every day, so it's not like every time they enter my headspace something terrible happens, just when they put out records.

I'm not a religious man, but these circumstances caused me to wonder: Is there a God, and does he hate me, or does he just hate the Wonder Years? I went to the only place you ever go when you're looking for answers: Wikipedia.

The Wonder Years' Wikipedia page says nothing about the negative effects of their music on their fans' lives. Am I alone in this? I looked at internet message boards and eventually just Googled "The Wonder Years ruined my life" but found only essays of negative commentary on child actor Fred Savage. I had to go right to the source, so I went to Warped Tour to confront Wonder Years' singer Danny Campbell face to face.

I saw him at their merch tent, chatting nonchalantly with fans. I approached my enemy with caution, not knowing what would happen when David and Goliath actually met. He finally looked up as I was standing there and extended his hand for a shake, and I launched into my story, telling Campbell in not so many words, how he has ruined my life.

When I was done, he actually looked bummed out. He smiled meekly and said "I guess it would be better for you if we stopped making music, huh?" It was then I realized there was no God. Just a 25 year old man who wrote pop/ punk songs, and those songs happened to come out at inconvenient times for me. We both laughed and chatted for a few more minutes, he signed a couple CD's for me, and I was on my way.

The moral of the story is that you should not be afraid to listen to the Wonder Years, and in fact I urge you to purchase their new album "Suburbia: I've Given You All and Now I'm Nothing," out now on Hopeless Records. Daniel Campbell is not an evil man; I am just an unlucky one. Now I have my answer.